It is natural that every person perceives a separation as something terrible. Not everyone can safely close the door to the past and live in the present, understanding that only the one stage has passed, and that life goes on. A person remains a prisoner of memories, considering himself untenable, unnecessary, cling to the past in an attempt to return everything. Either he is just lost in this seemingly unchanged, but alien life for him. And behind all this, he or she forgets that it is worth starting a new life after a divorce.
This problem is relevant even in the case when the woman herself insisted on a divorce. After all, the old principles and habits no longer correspond to reality, and the new ones have not yet developed. And if your mind is firmly riveted on the memories, and everything connected with the previous marriage does not allow you to start a new life, you should “free” yourself from the anchors that keep you in the pool of experience: hide photos, souvenirs, disks, and everything that causes painful regrets.
Trying to fight them, you spend such a precious, amazing, new time on a senseless hunt and ghosts of the past. Change the routes of daily walks, find new cafes and restaurants, look at the newly opened park!
if you want to start a new life after a divorce, you will have to accept that there will be nothing “old” and that there is no point in wasting time regretting what’s gone. But there is also no sense to go extremes, blaming yourself and others in what happened. Try to recognize, first of all, in front of you, what was both bad and good. And think that it was just another stage of life, no more and no less, like a school or an institute. Thank for everything that happened in the past, and live in the present, because the past can no longer be changed, the future is foggy, and only now everything is in your hands.
There is no need to blame yourself for everything: it just happens. By moaning and tears, you will not fix anything. Think about what a useful experience you have endured. Think about what did not suit you in all this. Have you decided? Now put it all on the shelf in the living room, remember that you have it and feel free to go to meet the new one.
There is no need to rush to start a new relationship
It will be just an attempt to hide, replace all your memories. You will not appreciate the modern man as a person – you will continuously look for the features of the past in him. So it will be better to understand yourself and start all over again, and not creating ridiculous “fakes” of the past. But you shouldn’t be afraid of new relations either. Try to understand what is “new” for you.
Be open to the world; appreciate every moment of your life. Remember that you have favorite activities. You love to skate, then go ahead: collect friends, acquaintances, remember how it is done! Have you dreamed of learning to dance well? Now you have no opportunity to tell yourself that you do not have time! Have not been on vacation for several years? Urgently pack your bags and go to the nearest hot flight to the beach, or to the mountains, or wherever you want!
Appreciate yourself and love yourself! You are a unique, beautiful, fantastic person, with your experience in life – respect yourself and others! Do not be afraid to write your life story further. A blank page does not mean a burned manuscript – but there is no point in re-reading the same thing a thousand times in search of hidden meaning. The pen of life is in your hands, and whether the new story will turn out to be interesting is also your task.
Recommendations for a divorced woman
Psychologists give several suggestions:
1. Allow yourself to be sad. Let people see a strong woman, but it is possible to cry offenses at home because this will significantly ease the pain. The main thing is not to delay with crying and not start to feel sorry for yourself beyond measure.
2. Understand your feelings. During this period, many feel the emptiness, loss, and despair. Talking with friends and family will help you understand your condition and look to the future.
3. Take care of yourself. Try to pay more attention to your hobbies. There is enough free time to love yourself again.
4. Experiment with appearance. Change hair, repaint hair in a different color or completely change the style. New arrival after a divorce is the motto of a confident woman after a divorce.
5. Do not stay alone for a long time. Do not be sad, sitting on the couch. Ahead of waiting for new acquaintances and exciting meetings. Perhaps friends always fail to spend time with a divorced woman. But there are many places where meeting with strangers can turn into a friendship or new love.
6. Start dreaming again. If earlier the family budget was on the spouse, now the search for work and concern for their financial well-being will not leave time for worrying. Fatigue and a new social circle will distract from dark thoughts and direct them to another channel.
• If you have time, a small journey will accelerate the tightening of emotional wounds and allow you to look at the world from the other side. Especially if a little surge of adrenaline will accompany the trip:
• boat ride down a mountain river;
• climbing the mountain;
• jumping from a bridge on a rope;
• flight paragliding.
Also, in such travels, there are many courageous and free men. They will be happy to meet a woman who already has experience in relationships and is optimistic about the future.
When and how to start a new relationship after a divorce
Psychologists recommend starting a new relationship in the completion phase or right after it ends. It is impossible to hesitate because the longer a person is alone, the harder it is for him to build a new relationship. But also a quick beginning of a relationship is strictly prohibited. A woman after a divorce has low self-esteem and a selfish man can use this. Such relations will bring nothing but new pain.
To create a new relationship, you must turn the page of the past. It is not necessary to discuss the ex with a new loved one, especially pouring mud at it.
To speed up the process of starting a new relationship, a woman needs to change her image. A woman should feel beautiful and charming. The final touch to start a new relationship is the awakening of femininity and flirting. If a girl lived for a long time with her husband, then she could lose the ability to flirt with quality, as everyday life can quickly kill even the most passionate lionesses.
Interesting: If a girl tries to flirt with herself while sitting in front of a mirror, she will not only remember the skills of flirting but also have a good laugh. And laughter is an excellent way to leave all phases after a divorce to start a new life.
What should and should not be done after a divorce
After examining the statistics of the effects of divorce, psychologists distinguish two situations that most adversely affect girls:
1. closure in themselves (91% of women are more or less afraid of the outside world)
2. silencing grief through alcohol abuse treatment which leads to alcohol addiction (with 58% of them having minor children)
Also, do not try to renew the relationship if the reason for separation was severe. People rarely change, and evil thoughts can come behind beautiful words.
Getting married successfully after a divorce with a child is much more difficult. The main factor for this is the psychology of society, which is also imposed on mommy, that a man cannot love a child from another man. This is true in a sense, but any man can build healthy, comfortable and positive relationships with the child of his beloved woman if he has such a desire.
Interesting: According to statistics, 80% of girls with a child met their husbands, leaving their offspring at home.
Necessary: Tell your lover about the child immediately on the first date. A lie will not lead to anything good, and the main thing is to make it as cautious as possible. Caress, tenderness, ability to cook, kindness and femininity will melt any obstacles and mommy with a child has high chances to marry a decent man. As statistics show, in 78% of cases a man will still be 2-3 years younger than a woman in this pair.